Sorry to disappoint you all, but I have decided to not run for President. I know that America would greatly benefit from the insightful media coverage of my innovative plans to benefit the country. However, the media scrutiny would reveal the following scandals in my past:
1) On a visit to my ancestral homeland of Germany, I wore lederhosen, and photographic evidence exists. The un-American implications are obvious.
2) My father is a Christian. Yes, he practices the same religion as Timothy McVeigh, perpetrator of the biggest act of terrorism in America prior to 9/11. Clearly this disqualifies me from a position of public trust.
3) My middle name is Arthur. Yes, spare me the jokes I've heard a million times, I share the name with failed President Chester A. Arthur. The shame!
True, the American people might want to hear the specifics of my perpetual motion machine. But the wise media would focus on these seemingly inconsequential coincidences. American democracy depends on the agenda setting of the Fourth Estate.
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2 comments:
Excellent points Jon. Now that you have admitted those scandals publicly there is no story for the media to dig up. You are Mr Clean and my vote is yours.
I'm sorry Vincent, I have recently had to withdraw from the nomination process. As I was putting on my 14th flag label pin, I accidentally stabbed myself and contracted blood poisoning. But thanks for your support. Jon
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