A secret source has leaked information about the 2012 Republican National Convention to me. Not many details are known, but I was able to confirm the following:
* Location is to be the Superdome in New Orleans, unless there is inclement weather, in which case conventioneers will be moved to someplace in Texas, where they'll be better off anyway
* Keynote speaker at the opening dinner will be Bernie Madoff on "Why We Need a Return to Deregulation Now!"
* Dinner will consist of spinach salad and peanut butter sandwiches. Gift bags to attendees will be filled with Chinese-made toys, suitable for licking.
* Janitorial duties will be overseen by Senator Larry Craig.
* Interning at the convention will be a number of Young Republicans, overseen by Representative Mark Foley.
* Special breakfast session on day 2: "The Success of Abstinence-Only Sex Education" by Bristol Palin"
* When asked which magazines and newspapers would be given press credentials to attend, our source said "All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years."
The location was picked by RNC leadership in part to give an early edge to local Republican Senator David Vitter for the Vice-Presidential nomination. Look for a Palin-Vitter ticket in 2012.
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